Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
