He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You're like the curious george of whores
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
