Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
