whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
