I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
