her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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