In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
