I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
