Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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