can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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