I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
