I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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