I just pynch a tree in the face
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize