i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
