if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
