I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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