I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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