it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
