They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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