if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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