While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
