ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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