why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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