You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
