it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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