Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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