if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
