sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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