I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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