I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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