Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
