I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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