Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
