tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
