I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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