i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
