Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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