Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
