But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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