I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
