no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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