hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
