I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
