He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
