ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
