Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
