some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
