a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
