I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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