i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
