Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize