I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize