I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
