when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
